It's hard to express this loss. I wish I could hold her one more time; I wish she could sit down and tell me another story; and I wish I could have spent more time with her. Lots of wishes that I need to let go of...
The process of sending her off alongside all the family members was comforting. We all focused on doing whatever we could to ensure her safe journey to the "Happy Land" or "Pureland" (安樂國) and consoled each other with subtle looks and gentle hugs. For those who want to learn more about the process, you can read this article, Crossing the Gate of Death in Chinese Buddhist Culture by Dr. Yutang Lin.
I had visited my grandma two days after her passing on July 9th. She has since been resting at my uncle's. They set up an altar with her picture next to buddhas so that they can offer her prayers, food, and fruits. Her spirit had been invited to the altar so that family and guests could pay their respects there.
My brother and I arrived July 22nd, two days before the funeral service. We spent the first day folding lotus flowers, clothes, shoes and money nuggets, and chanting Buddhist prayers to help my grandma get to the "Happy Land". My mom has been going there every day from dawn till sunset for the past 2 weeks doing the same. The chant to Amitaba was playing in the background 24/7 and at least twice a day (at 7:30am and at 4:30pm), a Buddhist nun would lead the family in reading chants from the scripture. My mom also took extra care of reading the Mantra for Attaining Birth in Happy Land 108 times into my grandmother's favorite rosary bracelet every day. The rosary would be cremated with my grandmother so she can have it with her in her next life. Outside of the prayers, we all then focused on folding lotus flowers most of the time. The lotus flowers were folded from a special paper that had prayers to lead my grandma to the Happy Land. The idea of the lotus flower is that she would step on the flowers on the way to the Happy Land.
The day before the service was the day for the entire family to dedicate to reading Buddhist chants from the scripture to help elevate my grandmother's merits and pray for her entry to Pureland. We started at 9am and went through the evening. At the end of the day, friends and neighbors also then brought baskets of fruit, food and paper money for buddhas and my grandma. We burnt most of the paper money and lotus flowers that night.
The day of the funeral we all dressed up in black robes. My parents picked the black ones since they would be re-used and was more environmentally friendly. The morning started with chants and then we were joined by friends and neighbors to see her off. We all payed our respect to my grandma through bows, kneeling and head bows and more chants with family members first followed by guests. The "close" family (those who were sons, daughters and those who were married into the family) then thanked the guests with bows as each group approached. We then showed a video clip remembering my grandmother's life. My mom had picked the song and the photos for the remembrance video. You can see it below. We got to see my grandma one last time and then she was taken away in her permanent home (which we filled with some more paper lotus flowers). The sendoff was lead by my oldest cousin who held her incense and invited her spirit to follow. My mother followed with an umbrella. We followed her to the funeral home for cremation and sent her body off with a final chant and good bye. We later picked up her ashes and invited her spirit to follow us and settled her in a mausoleum. That was our final send-off.
My Journey through this process - Photos:
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing
Remembrance Video - To my loving grandma:
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing
1 comment:
Amy,
I'm so sorry for your loss, may her memory be a blessing.
Best,
Dave & Alsha
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